I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
