he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
