The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
