Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
