It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
