I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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