listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
