he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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