I want you more than these girls want KFC
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
