I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's shark week go big or go home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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