So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
