I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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