Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
