MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
