Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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