Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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