mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
