My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
