okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
