If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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