I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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