So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
