I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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