dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is my gift to your gina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
