if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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