just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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