Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
