My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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