i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
