your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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