listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
