Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like eating out sand paper
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
