And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
