i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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