sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
