Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
