tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
