I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
