I want to have your abortion
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
