There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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