Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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