I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
