why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
