i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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