I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize