new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
