The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
