the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
