omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
