I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Two words: blizzard sex
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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