Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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