Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
