idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Shame - the story of my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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