A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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