Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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