His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
