I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
