Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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