I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
