My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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