I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
