I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
