Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
