Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
