Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
