If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
