Cold hands, warm shart.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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