did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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