I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
